I've thought about blogging for the cathartic reasons, but part of me just wants to write it all out, and maybe someone might find it helpful.
As my illness has stolen me, my family is in shambles and I am seeking solace in other words its good to feel like you belong. Somehow I am finding myself reading PPD blogs, blogs I should have read when I began my suffering, but I didn't. Who knew this world even existed?
When I think about my sons first year of life, I dont remember it. I only remember from pictures, I remember my first bout of psychosis, I remember calling my husband and asking him to take me to the hospital. I remember that, but I don't remember my son.
He is almost 5, and I've spent his life fighting to be sane.
For me PPD was just the beginning of my fight for mental health, from suicidal ideation, to attempts, to ambulance rides and hospitalizations. Now I am a single mother, fighting for my marriage, because the one man that has saved my life can not do it anymore.
Its all about perseverance, self ;perseverance for him. As I sit here trying to figure out who I really am. But god damn do I miss him.